May 04, 2007

Growing younger?

A girl’s best moment in her life is when she tells her age and people around her scream “NO”! And just that “NO” makes her feel 10 years younger than what she is. I guess it’s a common disease among girls, the thirst to look and appear younger. You may not agree with me to call this quest as a disease, but as a girl I can see girls suffering from such things! When a 35 year old girl feel 25 at heart and behave accordingly, can be painful for her and for the people around, I don’t know why only girls in their path of metamorphose, refuse to come out of their cocoon and see that they can be a beautiful butterfly if they grow and mature with their age. Girls! Just by postponing from being a wife or a mother doesn’t keep us a teenager for ever! Most of the people ‘get older’ as they see their children growing. Recently I got enlightenment about my age, when my nephew, for whom I have even changed nappy, buzzed me in orkut, wow! He has grown into a handsome teenager! This weekend, in my lab picnic in Fontainebleau, as I was struggling to handle a one year old baby, I realized that I am refusing to be butterfly. I felt I am missing something very important in my life, a reference for my growth and aging.
some more pics from my lab album... 1... and 2...

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

Uma! you are 35? - "NO"!!!

;-)
san

Uma said...

From my school days always people saw me as a person older than what I am! When I was in school, people ask me which college? When I was in college…which university? Now you ask me if I am 35. Well! I may look wiser for my age ;-) but still …..

joune said...

where did you get it was only a girl's disease?!
i could never abandon being a teenager myself!

"to get back one's youth, one has merely to repeat one's follies" -Oscar Wilde-

Uma said...

May be it exists in men also, but when you talk about the disease I guess its more linked with X chromosome. I mean girls suffer a lot. Now a days I am meeting more and more girls in the late 30s craving for attention from men, with a teenage mentality. Its so sad to see the efforts they put in, and to see their confused disappointments and depression. It’s really sad; I guess its one of the side-effects of women liberation moments. They are paying a huge price for their freedom.well we need to pay a price when we go aginest the nature.

joune said...

glad to read from a woman that it's against your nature to be too liberated! i never thought otherwise anyway!

;-)

Uma said...

Yeah! I accept we are suffering from this liberation movement. But you should accept that men pushed us into this movement.

joune said...

we only want you skinny and sexy! who said anything about liberation?!

Uma said...

Yeah! Right! You guys asked only for skinny and sexy! But we have to ‘come out’ to check out what the cutoff of being skinny and sexy, which will make my man happy!!!! When we got to know we can’t reach the threshold of greedy men’s skinny and sexy definition, we were pushed into this liberation shit!

joune said...

nothing ever was sexier than an angry woman anyway! ;-)

Algae girl said...

Uma, what are you saying?? Women are not suffering for not being forced into early marriage where a life is only validated by reproducing (into an already over populated world [but that's a different rant of mine])! Nor are we going against nature to want equality!

Do you think I would be happier if I'd been married for the last 8 years with four kids to measure my age against, I'd spend all my time cooking and cleaning, and too tired think about contributing to the world outside my family?

Algae girl said...

Joune, I am skinny, sexy and angry. Be careful or you may find yourself caught between two intelligent, independent and liberated women!

;-)

Uma said...

Hey Sui! My mom was pushed into marriage at 16 and she had me and my brother before she was 19. I know her life is very sad. I don’t want that to happen to any other girl in the world, but right now we just started walking in the opposite direction and that too in a very very high speed, I feel that can be dangerous too…. I don’t think that’s the right way. I feel the right one is somewhere in the middle, where girls are not running away from her responsibilities and men/ society not forcing it on us neither.

I have seem some of my friends mother, here in France, who are well educated and also taking up beautifully the responsibility of a good house wife and a mother. I don’t see girls of my generation (at least the girls I have seen so far) having that maturity. We are sort of looking down upon the house hold responsibilities; I feel the liberation movements may be the reason for it.

Anonymous said...

very interesting and thoughtful discussion, keep it up!

Anonymous said...

I don't understand what has liberation got to do with woman trying to get men's attention :). It is nature to seek for attention no matter what age :). Why does that make you feel sad ? You mean to say that when there was no talk of women's liberation, women never tried to attract men ?


What is this talk of household responsibilities being a women's fort in this mordern era ? why can't it be a man's fort ? or do you mean to say that men are willing to get married and women do not want to do so cause of house-hold responsibility ? I do not see anything wrong in women not wanting to have house-hold responsibility in this mordern era where the women is not dependent on man's physical strength to feed the family. What is wrong in women wanting to go out and feed the family and man wanting to take up house-hold responsibilities ?
Still the society holds women responsible for not running a running home well, so that could be one reason why women find it a huge responsbility and are sacred of it.

Women have just begun to understand that there is a world beyond just being a house-hold property and are exploring the areas new to them,this learning phase definetly takes time and we also are paying a price for it where some women do not want to get married or even sometimes have kids. (BTW - today there are equal percentage of men as well who feel having a family is a huge responsibility and do not want to so).

It is nothing bad in women having a choice in life and they are just begining to enjoy this freedom.

You have made a comment where you say that women are educated and made wonderful house wives !!! This statement is kind of puzzling me ? What are you trying to say here ? It is mostly the educated women who shun house-hold responsibilites ? May it is because the educated women have seen more chances of exploring and contributing to the world than just being tied down.

These thoughts are not new, it is already reflected in Rabindranath tagore's story Choker Bali, where he says that the society should look at women not as a mother, sister, wife etc, but look at her for what she is.

Finally to me what maturity means is an individual's perception, so cannot be generalised.

Uma said...

>I don't understand what has liberation got to do with woman trying to get men's >attention :).

What is the women liberation is all about? We want equal rights as men... right? And then why the hell we need his attention and appreciation? And why do we feel very secure in the arms of a man? When we want to make ourselves a show piece for men, to get that sense of security….then why should we talk about equal rights? When men and women’s needs are very different and then in which aspect we need equal right?


>It is nature to seek for attention no matter what age :).

Yes! Honey! You are totally right! That’s the basic instinct of women!


> Why does that make ?you feel sad ?

It makes me sad because we talk about equal rights and we started doing things like man to get that ‘equal’ status, but our natural instincts are driving us in the opposite direction.

This unspoken mind set of ‘modern women’, who sees man as a competitor and as the same time as object which makes her feel secure about herself. This confused mind of the ‘modern women’ makes me feel sad!


>You mean to say that when there was no talk of women's liberation,
>women never tried to attract men ?

Yes they did! But they just tried to attract man, without seeing him as her competitor.


>What is this talk of household responsibilities being a women's fort in this mordern era ? >why can't it be a man's fort ? or do you mean to say that men are willing to get married >and women do not want to do so cause of house-hold responsibility ? I do not see >anything wrong in women not wanting to have house-hold responsibility in this >mordern era where the women is not dependent on man's physical strength to feed the >family. What is wrong in women wanting to go out and feed the family and man >wanting to take up house-hold responsibilities ?


Yes! You are right again! We are not hunters and gathers anymore, we don’t depend on need man’s muscle strength to feed the family. But house-hold responsibilities needs immense patience, lots of domestic planning, and men are not psychologically evolved for it, may be with this trend continues they may pick it up soon. But the society evolved in such a way that, we need less and less of man’s muscle power, but the society still needs women’s softness, patience and tender love to build a stronger ‘next’ generation. We may be equal men in earning bread for the family, but men are not tender, patience and intelligent enough to handle the complicated house hold stuff. And definitely not fit enough to breast feed his own babies.




>Still the society holds women responsible for not running a running home well, so that >could be one reason why women find it a huge responsbility and are sacred of it.

Yes! I guess it was women’s decision/desire to work like man (again thanks to the women’s liberation movements)! and its not man’s desire to be a house husband. So still man is not psychologically evolved to give up his muscle power and acquire some tenderness etc. we have to handle this huge responsibility of the confused dual role. We asked for it.


>Women have just begun to understand that there is a world beyond just being a house->hold property and are exploring the areas new to them,this learning phase definetly >takes time and we also are paying a price for it where some women do not want to get >married or even sometimes have kids.

If we are happy to pay the price of “not getting married and not having kids” . Its ok! There is no conflict at this point; my blog was all about women who don’t want to make this sacrifice because their natural instincts are driving towards marriage and kids. But their intellectual and the pride to fight men are driving them against their own natural instincts! My blog was meant to discuss this conflicting situation.


> (BTW - today there are equal percentage of men >as well who feel having a family is a > huge responsibility and do not want to so).

Yes! I don’t blame men on this! We pushed them in this confused position, at one point we project ourselves as the attention seekers and looking for the security in their smile and hug, and the very next moment we challenge them as a competitor. So, how can he have courage to build a family with this type of confused girls?

>It is nothing bad in women having a choice in life and they are just begining to enjoy >his freedom.

There is an end for everything and do you want to see where this enjoyment ends? Girls, who are very happy with this freedom (keeping her intellect happy, by doing things equal to men), at the same time getting enough attention from men (of course! without commitments) (keeping her basic instincts happy )! But as we grow older, our fist mental aspect grows, we gain experience and wisdom but also we lose the physical aspects. Unfortunately men are not enough evolved to appreciated women’s intelligence, he is psychologically evolved to see only the physical aspects of women and anyway it’s difficult to appreciate something in women which he sees as a threat for his position . So, tell me how long you can enjoy your freedom without sacrificing your basic instincts?


>You have made a comment where you say that women are educated and made >wonderful house wives !!! This statement is kind of puzzling me ? What are you trying >to say here ? It is mostly the educated women who shun house-hold responsibilites ? >May it is because the educated women have seen more chances of exploring and >contributing to the world than just being tied down.


“CONTRIBUTING TO THE WORLD” that’s a great statement!. I wish every women start thinking about contributing something to the world than thinking about her own freedom. I guess the efforts to make the world better starts at home.

>These thoughts are not new, it is already reflected in Rabindranath tagore's story Choker >Bali, where he says that the society should look at women not as a mother, sister, wife >etc, but look at her for what she is.

Yeah! The society will be great if it starts looking at women for what she is, but it’s the women’s instincts which crave to be a mother, sister and a wife.

> Finally to me what maturity means is an individual's perception, so cannot be generalised.

Maturity can’t be generalized….but what word should I use when I am talking about a person of 18 years who completely behaves like 7 years old? Or 37 years old behaving like 18?



More over thanks for the nice comments, as you know, my blog is just a space, where I just spill out my confusions and questions of my day to day life, these confusions are more because of how I perceive myself and the people around me. Such discussions help me a lot to see the same confusions from a different perspective.

Thanks for the comments!

Anonymous said...

OMG
that's a long discussion chapter. I tried understanding girls, but soon realised that it is a huge task and probably I would never have the maturity/ capacity/ intelligence to understand it.

A bit of love, understanding that 'nothing is perfect' and 'follow your bliss' goes a long way in solving most of the issues

Regards

Chakkravarthy