living in 5th dimension

Ok! I was born in the country were bollywood movies are made. Sometimes I feel my life is as cheesy as a bollywood movie, a big melodrama . So last few days I tried to put this cheesy side away from me, watching my emotions in silence. This silence can be awkward sometimes, specially for my bollywood genes. Sometimes when two people meet and they exactly know what each other is thinking about, still spend that few minutes in awkward silence or have some random talk about how slow a slow ATM machine is or just keep searching for words between badmintion matches. So finally I invented this new game of imagining the 5th dimension to escape such awkward conditions. The game is just in a blink your eyes, imagine yourself having a deep breath and blow that out in your palm towards the awkward condition (same as a virtual flying kiss), you will see the awkward condition and your breath disappearing into ether in seconds. It is so much of fun. You feel like a magician disappearing the things, experiencing impermanence nature of the world in a flying kiss within few seconds, collasping the reality just by observing! Anyways! I am lucky to have friends who listen and appreciate the bollywood in me but for the rest..I have my magic virtual flying kisses.

sign languages..

Oh ! God ! I am so bad in reading sign languages, after spending 40 days of my life in silent meditation retreats I felt there are many feeling that can be conveyed without use of languages. But thanks to this puzzle (trying to read a of non-existing sign languages in pain), it got me closer to many lovely people and I was able to feel their love as they tried to put a smile back in my face!

The end of John..Keats!

After seeing the anti-climax in the two weekend movies, I am drained off all the strong emotions and just feeling the scary silence of my mind, no pain nor happiness, often I have to check if I am still alive. Luckily it is cold in UK and the chill air reminds me that my mind and body are still alive. In the end of the second movie as the man in the brown coat was walking away hand in hand with his girl with the red bag, in one of the beautiful streets of Cambridge as the christmas lights were about to go on, I wished the climax was different but still I was able to say, "they look great together", may be the climax I wished for....would not had such a perfect match?? Thus trying hard to deal with the tragic end of John...Keats stories which left me in this scary silence. As always my friends are giving me a helping hand. I had this very nice discussion about tai chi with a wonderful new angel I met in cambridge. She told me that the negative forces acting upon us can be turned into our favour just with right and very small movements of our body, I am sure that holds true for my mind too. Just with some slight postive tuning I can convert this scary silence into a very nice environement for my meditation practice.

The Girl with a red bag.

Today I spent my day in a(living a) very cheesy movie...Bollywood???.No may be.. more like a cheesy Hollywood movie, as it involves Christmas etc. Cambridge has this beautiful city centre, with a pedestrian area...no cars...old buildings and churches, gives the feel of a romantic era... Today was Cambridge Christmas light switch on ceremony. Cambridge was in a festive mood with lots of people, music, colours and lights. I was walking around this beautiful place with very pleasant friends, had good food served by a very cheerful Italian lady. I would have been in very high-spirits in such a festive season with nice people around but I think it was the memories from yesterday’s sad movie about Keats love story kept me in a low tone. It is a very strange to be very calm even when you are surrounded by stimulants for all the five senses. Just the minutes before the lights were about to go on, the man in a brown coat walks by. How on earth I was able to spot him in that Christmas crowd..That man in the brown coat..holding hands of a girl with a bling bling red bag! But I don’t want to finish this blog with “The End” as in movies....I like to finish it in a real cheesy way...Thus with the Christmas lights...lighting new hopes for a new beginning!

Long drive in the night!

Yesterday went on a long drive in the beautiful English countryside , crossing the prime meridian to meet friends in their new house. My friends who hosted me from the very first day in Cambridge and healed my post-phd depression in their woodend clinic with their lovely pets, cider and their love. They now moved to a beautiful village in the countryside ,Yesterday as I was driving through the fields, i came across fox (unfortunately without George Clooney's voice) . But the return journey almost close to midnight was bit scary,Without a single car on the dark and rainy road, trying to avoid the wild animals on the way, twice got scared by seeing my own car seats in the rear mirror :-( felt like I was playing a part in a scary movie! With that fresh adrenalin on the road to the new woodend clinic, now charged to face the whole new adventure at my work!

Illusionist!

Almost £200 pound vanished from my account this month...parking ticket...booking and cancelling tickets to a dream land....etc.. etc.. Just changed new battery in my car...More than money..wasted endery... and still wasting my energy in chasing an illusion...Today got into a big debate, Should I be selfish and drag the other people into my illusion..well! they have been part of my illusion... without being aware of it...will it be fair to let them know about my illusion? what's the point? Just seeing someone's name +1 in a doodle poll...can drain all my fully charged batteries???..What a big illusionist I am! Practising all the major religions once upon a time in my life ...helped me today to remember these favourite lines from Bhagavad Gita!

What of yours did you lose?
Why or for what are you crying?
What did you bring with you, for you to lose it?
What did you create, for it to be wasted or destroyed?
Whatever you took, it was taken from here.
Whatever you gave, it was given from here.
Whatever is yours today, will belong to someone else tomorrow.
On another day, it will belong to yet another.
This change is the law of the universe.

-Bhagavad Gita!

Living the moment!

Currently cat sitting a lovely cat! I love the way the cats are calm and composed most of the time :-)

Meditation!

Happy to kick start my meditation practice again. I wish it is as easy as this :-) pic from joy of tech!

More colours!

Celebrated Bonfire Night with fireworks at my work!

Colours in my campus!

Feels like I just woke from a long sleep, these trees were green just few weeks back. How did I fail to notice the changing colours in my campus, when did I last see the fishes in the Cam running through my campus. Well! Sports car watching is not as calm and relaxing as the fish watching. Colours of my campus, please take me back!

Soft Corner!

Sometimes it is very disturbing to think that I have just lived less than half of normal human life expectancy. Sometimes I feel I have seen all the good, bad and ugly of the world but as I travel to new places I meet many new angels and they put me through new experiences in life, help me to see the world outside my own mind. It is just my 6th month in Cambridge but I have meet more angels than ever. I don’t know what makes me follow these angle’s words so blindly, sometimes following their words have led me to dead-end or I like to call those dead-ends as “soft-corners”.

I have used this word “soft-corner” a million times in my life, never had a second thought about this word, and never wanted to check the meaning in the dictionary. I just wanted to believe that a corner of my heart/ mind with beautiful feelings is meant for the special people I meet in life. Outside my mind, in reality, in dictionary this soft-corner doesn’t exist, there is only a soft-spot. Now with this reality standing before me...mind is struggling to find a place for the special people and the fictional relationship my mind developed in that soft-corner. What can I do? my dear angel..why did you put me in this non-exisiting 'soft-corner', till I find my answer, I can just tell myself these lines from my favourite movie Memento! or ..maybe..this is my answer..

"I have to believe in a world outside my own mind.
I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world is still there.
Do I believe the world is still there? Is it still out there? Yeah!
We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are. I’m no different.
Now, where was I?"

-Memento