I hate cross roads in life, the only place in life where I have to think and make some decisions. I am approaching the next big cross road in life, I have to soon make a decision about what I want to do after my PhD, where I would like to go etc. The very thought of this decision making makes me panic and put me back into those sleepless nights. I started falling in love with Paris, specially because of my friends and a very understanding boss I have here, but still don't have courage to dream about settling down in Paris. I would rather prefer to settle down in a smaller town where people have 'more' time for each other and more closer to nature. The feminine side of me is still looking for the unconditional love and a secured future but the wanderlust in me is tempting me to explore the unknown land, culture and people, which means more cultural confrontations and more struggle. Can we make some logical decisions for our own future? I see my life as a big chaos, how much of thinking and decision making can bring some order in this chaotic life? Well! If I go back little in the past, I never had freedom to take decisions in my life, the society, the culture, my lusts and the people I loved added more and more chaos in my life. Now can I get rid of this factors and make a decision in life?