Di-Atomist's Diary

My Spring continues..

2011-11-02T22:43:00.009+01:00

Early this spring, I told a friend that I am experiencing a divine peace and tranquility in me, which I have never experienced before. He said, with his usual tranquil smile," well! that's ..just.. may be the spring speaking"! Now the trees started changing colour and even some cold north winds started blowing. Usually the cold northern breeze makes me restless, remind me of the places I want to see, the friendships I want to make, the battles I want to fight and during those days I found comfort in my imaginary kangaroo.

But still the clever North Wind...
was not satisfied.
The Wind spoke to Vianne...
of towns yet to be visited.
Friends in need, yet to be discovered.
Battles yet to be fought.
By someone else... next time.
And so it was, the North Wind grew weary...
and went on its way.

As for Pantoufle?
Well, his bad leg miraculously healed...
and he hopped off in search of new adventures.
I didn't miss him.

And thus my spring and the peace I made with myself continues! Life cant be more beautiful and Yes! I saw the movie Chocolat today!

Can life get more beautiful?

2011-06-17T17:12:00.005+02:00

Can life get more beautiful? Enjoying the English spring... which triggered my new passion...and opened a whole new dimension in life...more on that later..

Wow Taj!

2011-01-10T04:07:00.002+01:00

Finally as the sun came out the fog started disappearing, it was a magical moment to see Taj Mahal appearing from the fog. Shajahan, the emperor who built Taj, used the description of paradise in Quran and replicated it on earth as Taj it seems. No wonder, after 400 it is still makes an impact on people. The Persian immigration and all their efforts to blend in with the Indian culture was so evident in the Persian floral arts. It was my first experience of Mughal dynasty in India. I hope I will have more chance to discover their works in and Delhi in the next few coming days. End of the day, after interacting with 100s of people who were trying to sell us the beautiful souvenirs of Taj Maghal, we learned few tricks to identify the real marble. When you put light on one side of the marble who can see how opaque they are and also able to see the tiny crystals of the marble. This property of the marble makes Taj Mahal glow in different lights of the day it seem. Hoping to catch Taj on a bright sunny day, sun set and sun raise some day.

Back home!

2011-01-09T05:12:00.005+01:00

Back home after 3 years where everything seems to be new but nothing feels like new, felt like home right from the minute I landed. After having stunning views of Himalayas from the plane, we landed in the Delhi airport. May be thanks to the recent Common wealth games, this international airport finally looked like one. The facilities in the airport may be like any other airport I have visited in European but many things around me reminded me that I am back in India. The crowd outside with garlands, waiting to receive and impress their foreign business collaborator; a very emotional grandma hugging a few months old baby, maybe she was seeing her grandchild for the first time and the group of at least 5 to 10 aunts and uncles waiting to have the first glimpse of that baby. I couldn’t stop wondering why I feel at home in both the airports where l left 8 hrs back and in the other end of the world where I landed . “ when you never lose the need to wander then you belong” these words in that huge master card adv. banner adv came as an answer to my puzzle.

We got into my friends SUV and hit the road towards Agra, they have new highways but still with old mad traffic, but I still enjoy the peaceful co-existence with cows and buffalos, we Indians still share the roads with them. The minute we entered Agra, the four lane road turned into 6 or I should say 6 and half, with traffic coming in every direction in each lane, we were in a Jam for more than an hour, just trying to untangle ourselves from the madness of the road. Finally arrived at a stunning oasis among all the madness, the most beautiful hotel I have stayed. The hotel rooms with pieces of arts replicating the works of Taj Mahal made me feel like princess, now I am in this king size carved bed waiting for the Taj Mahal to come out of the fog.

Another year of illusion!

2010-12-03T16:41:00.010+01:00

According to my favourite Dhamma the cat, "Time is an illusion and illusions should be dealt with", Cambridge, the 15th town and 34th year of my life, which makes it an average of around 2 years per town. Dealing with this time bound illusion is more difficult when I have to meet new people every two years. can I really make new "best friend" every two years or its just me idealizing relationships. ‘Rail Sneham" a term used in Tamil for the friendships one makes over a train journey, which terminates the same time as the journey itself. I thought my friendship was more with the train than the people in it! but I don't know when I started missing the people. But it was big consolation to know that I am not the only victim of train journeys. Ruskin Bond, Indo-English author wrote "A song for the lost friends" in train. May be one day, I will stop idealizing my relationships with my train acquaintances and learn not to miss them. Until then let me miss the acquaintance, I just met during his first train journey. For one its just a journey and for the other thats the way of life! So, let me shed some tears even when they are not understood!

He called goodbye and waved
As I looked back from the bend in the road.
....
And the trains roll on, everyday
Hundreds of people coming or going or running away
Goodbye, goodbye!
Into the forest's silence,
Outside the dark tunnel,
Out of the tunnel,out of the dark
...
Twilight and evening bell,
And after the dark!
And may there be no sadness of farewell,
When I embark.
-- "A song for the lost friends" by Ruskin Bond!

Is Seeing Believing?

2010-10-19T03:29:00.004+02:00

Not so successful in my war on fear..Screamed so much 'celebrating' hallowing weekend in scaresville in Kentwell and staying in a 16th century country house in Suffolk. Few fears made me scream, few are still hidden behind the clouds. I wish the Sun can be as brave as me, to come out and face the fears. “Love is what we were born with. Fear is what we learned here.” and both are our own perception of illusion, saw this very interesting 'horizon' program on our perception of illusion. Synaesthesia - The Mixing of the Senses, can be a solution to my fears?

fighting the fears!

2010-10-14T23:25:00.003+02:00

recently..fighting some fears...fear of water..swimming 3 times a week! darkness..biking through dark fields! horror movies...watched one alone! no fear of the unknown, but of the loss of the known...how many times I yelled in this fear..no yelling ..let the bird fly..may be will come back!

A hero with thousand faces..

2010-10-01T01:37:00.003+02:00

Many things will always remain a puzzle, one such tiny Tamil puzzle is Rajnikanth. A 60 year old man who don't know to dance sing or act is enterining the region and treated like a 'mythical' character for last 30 years. Today I got to see him in his new avatar as a robot. It was special to watch him in the silver screen, from UK along with my adventurous (non-Indian) friends who volunteered to share this 'cultural' experience with me, after all like mythologies, movies can be a dream of a society. It was a pleasant evening to revisit my childhood dream land with my friends today.

La Tête en Friche..

2010-09-25T23:30:00.002+02:00

Among all the chaos in life, I am still enjoying the Cambridge film festival, I was able to cry along with many other audiences as I watched La tête en friche, a French movie which beautifully depicts the friendship developing in very unlikely conditions. Today again watched a French movie but this time I was not able to laugh along with other audiences, when pain and emotions can cross the barriers of language and nations, I don’t know why the sense of humour fails to cross the boundaries. How many times I have offended people with my Indian sense of humour. I often forget that I grew up in a country where there was no concept of personal space, especially between friends. I grew up in a country where asking and taking favours are part of friendship, a sign to show people that I share a special space with you and how many times I have seen a crappy movie just to share the space and time with a friend I like. After I fought my way into this new world and I do enjoy this personal space I created for myself. But I still take liberty to invade the personal spaces of friends, with my silly sense of humour and sometimes even get disappointed for my personal space not getting invaded by friends close to my heart. Finally the Swedish short movie I saw yesterday came as an answer to my recent disappointments, the movie was a small recreation of a failed bank robbery happened in Stockholm in 2006. So, let me blame the cultural differences for all my disappointments, at least until I understand the actual reasons.. La Tête en Friche...

This day that year!

2010-09-15T23:39:00.000+02:00

15th Sep 2008, I had a deadline for a manuscript submission, worked non-stop...yes! non-stop 25 hours in my Paris lab and the next day (15th sep 2008) when I stepped out of my lab around noon, I found my bike stolen. Which made me write this(to my lost love) blog entry..Oh! god ! I was so cheesy then! Now 2 years later, I started biking again, I almost biked 1500 kms in last 6 months, including London to Cambridge..Love can find you back in many different ways! I wish I will be fit enough to bike till I die! This photo taken during my first break after 30 km, during my London Cambridge biking. Yes! on 25th of July London and Cambridge was linked by a long chain of cyclist! And ...also.. thanks to my friends for their kind donation for this event!

இது ஒரு பொன் மாலைப் பொழுது

2010-09-14T23:35:00.008+02:00

Got to see a very beautiful sunset on the way back from my work. I love this evening bus trip through the fields...

Today sky reminded me of my lines favourite from a tamil song!

"வானம் எனக்கொரு போதிமரம் (sky is my Bodhi tree)
நாளும் எனக்கது சேதி தரும்" (it enlightens me each day)

as the title says...it was a golden evening!

Green horizon!

2010-09-04T10:21:00.006+02:00

I missed and was whining about the lack of nature, green and horizon in Paris.

Now in Cambridge all I have is nature green and horizon...

taking that long walks to see the place where this green mixes with that blue.

Science facts remind me that such a place doest exist, but why do..

I still have hope?

PS: Hug from 4th dimension totally works!

Hug from 4th Dimension

2010-09-02T21:40:00.004+02:00

I have to contradict myself again, as a follower of tenth dimension blog, I should be believing in magic sort of things, after all human can see only up to three dimensions. Sometimes we even pretend not to understand the realities of third dimension. Today I pretended not to understand my mother and my friend pretended not to understand my email, we both live in the fear of facing strong emotions. To overcome the fears of 3rd dimension, here is a hug from the 4th dimension. Mom! this hug is for you on your birthday! and one for you my friend, to face the emotions of today which doesn't need a year long planing and agenda. So, Now if you wonder how this 4th dimension hug may look or feel like, you can have a look at Sarah Maxine Williams animation of two dimensional beings getting hug from 3rd dimension.

And if you are curious enough to spend 18 min to see whats around the corner from 4th to 10th dimensions have a look at this blog .

Magicians do not exist!

2010-09-01T23:27:00.000+02:00

Travelling this incredible journey called life, I even forgot to update my blog for sometime. When I was away from the virtual world, I was travelling in the far lands, enjoying the beauty of Sweden and Scotland. After three months, as I return to my blog I realize I am in the very same place as I was 3 months before. Today, I was spending my lunch time, listening to the beautiful beats of my heart and talking with these fishes in cam about how to let things go. I felt like this ignorant little girl in the movie L'illusionniste, we both wandered over Arthur's seat in Edinburgh and we both ignorantly believed in Magic. Expecting Magic from friends and family, expecting them to understand my heart beats but "Magicians do not exist!"

Let it go!

2010-05-22T12:58:00.004+02:00

Something I discovered in my meditation is, how many 'unrelated' events that happened in my life are connected with a small thread of emotions. Often in my meditation, when a certain type of emotion comes up on the surface of mind, for example disappointment, I can reflect 'all' the events lead to disappointment since my childhood. Yesterday as I was having my lunch at my favorite spot on the Cam bridge at my work, staring at the fishes . Seeing this Pike fish for the first time, with nice patterns on its body shining in the sun rays in the shallow water, I was trying to find the balance between my impassioned wish to hold it closer to me and fear that it will suffocate the little fish. Finally tried to enjoy this beautiful reality that this fish is very nice part of lunch and rejected the impassioned wishes or fear as my own projections of the reality and not actually part of the reality.

Walls of Prejudice

2010-05-18T00:27:00.008+02:00

A confused day, and like most of my confused days I spent the evening reading J.Krishnamurti. I watched the Video: The Challenge of Change - J. Krishnamurti Online. The source of my confusion was due to my disbelief in others experiences. For past few weeks I am living the following lines of JK "I have long been in revolt from all things, from the authority of others, from the instruction of others, from the knowledge of others; I would not accept anything as Truth until I found the Truth myself."
When I was 12, I studied Alexandre Dumas 's The black tulip novel in school and argued about the existence of tulips and black flowers. My botany teacher was able to convince me the existence of tulips with a picture, but she was not able to convince me about black tulips. Finally yesterday after 21 years I was able to say my botany teacher was right...black tulips do exist. It is a big struggle to break the wall of prejudice and to reject the experience of friends, family and wise people but there is no joy like experiencing the experience oneself. Still...like to share my experience of black tulips!

Elysian Garden

2010-05-16T22:33:00.006+02:00

The weekend filled with English heritage experience, got to see one of the England's greatest gardener "Capability" Brown designed master piece today. I Wandered around in a 17th century country house with my English friends, hearing stories about the Jacobean architecture, "Capability" Brown's landscaping methods, Elysian garden and witnessing very impressive Espalier. The kitchen garden in this 17th century house had a fence made with apple trees trained to grow in two dimension, using this horticultural method called Espalier. Here is little glimpse of the very beautiful Audley End house and its English garden through my camera lens

Mysterious door

2010-05-16T13:25:00.005+02:00

Opening many mysterious doors at work and I always have pleasant surprises behind the doors More of photos of spring at work...

Feeling blue!

2010-05-15T01:27:00.002+02:00

After having this magical experience in the bluebell walk, 'feeling blue' word is now got redefined in my dictionary.

Living by the Dream!

2010-05-13T22:21:00.012+02:00

No progress today...and no hope over the weekend too...still guessing..if the bud is going to be leaf or a flower, my friends want it to be a leaf but I bet it is a flower. my friends say leaves are relatively long lasting but I argue for flowers, they have potential to fruit and bear seeds. It can be this beautiful bluebell that I stare from kitchen window...

but my friends doubt if it can bloom boldly in between long blades of grasses!

I hope it can be this purple bunch, high enough to I stare from my first floor bedroom windows....

Sorry friends, but I will wait for my dream catcher to catch a beautiful dream for this spring.

Hydrangea..

2010-05-13T00:53:00.004+02:00

I was looking close at the spring season of my life and this hydrangea plant, both are having lots of beautiful buds, wondering if they are the future flowers or leaves....Leaves or Flowers both can add colour to my garden and life!

creating a wilderness..

2010-05-05T23:48:00.006+02:00

long days meaning more time in my garden, I was trying to identify some wild flowers in my garden, thanks to my friend who gifted me a book to identify wild flowers and this web site floral images, I was able to name few flowers in the garden today. more to come later...(with my slow iphone 3G can't fit my whole garden)

Dandelion

Bluebell

Scentless Mayweed (is it not an insult to name a flower like this?)

in the silence..

2010-05-03T22:56:00.008+02:00

Finished a year in Cambridge, it was one of the 'easiest' year in my life, I don't have to make an effort to live or to pass each day. In Paris, life in the middle of buildings, each buildings has its own rules, we transform ourselves to fit into that building. We keep silence inside a library and a museum, ancient buildings should be handled with care and we are suppose to go crazy inside a pub or a disco. But when I am in the laps of nature... as I run behind the sheep...

...walk on the green grass and the wild flowers...or even in a confusing cross roads in the middle of the woods..or just siting silently under a fully bloomed apple tree..In this silence of nature I am able hear every little heart beats of mine..my heart doesn't beat for the buildings anymore....it beats for the people...I am able feel that it beats faster for someone..and slower for others..In that rhythm I am able to discover the moments I lose my temper and the moments when my heart goes out...last one year...walking in the silence of nature to the beats of my heart...no wonder my last one year was the easiest year in my life!

express myself!

2010-04-08T22:14:00.002+02:00

I wanted to express myself to my mom, to my friend, to my boss, to the people i like and the things i don't like.... in all these possible way as shown in this video.. but spent the whole day in silence.. may be I am bad in languages...may be too tired from my 15km cycling..may be things are too complicated to explain..sometimes I can express myself better in silence.. as I did today!

Run for life!

2010-04-05T19:41:00.007+02:00

Me and my friends registered for the Cancer Research UK fundraiser 5 km run. Thanks to the good weather and the generous contribution by my mom, boss and colleagues, I was inspired to start my training today. I did 7 km training, in my favorite Grantchester route, I took it in a very slow pace. Here is the stats of day-1 training run. I hope I will get better before the final run in July. You can be generous by clicking here!Flossie Run!

Started: 5 Apr 2010 17:15:29
Run Time: 1:04:05
Distance: 7.18 km
Average: 8:55 /km
Fastest Pace:6:33 /km
Climb: 11 meters

into gardening!

2010-04-05T00:01:00.005+02:00

Two of my friends sprained their ankles last week the same day around the same time, what a coincidence! I reacted the way exactly my mother would react, went into a short panic mode. All my life I was trying to do teach my mother, how to handle such conditions in a calm and sensible way but it is easy to preach than to practice. Both of them seems to be doing fine, got to spend sometime with one today. Rest of the day, Thanks to the good weather I did some gardening, I might have picked up that interest from my mom too..

just few months back my garden was like this.

and today...all green just waiting for my cherry tree to bloom. again differences in gardening in India vs. UK. In India the most challenging part was watering and keeping the crops away from cattle, here in UK the difficult part is to keep them away from frost. I have to tuck my seedlings inside the fleece cloth. hope that will help them from the cold nights of April.

que sera sera

2010-04-04T13:26:00.001+02:00

French make the best movie in the world, yesterday watched The Father of My Children (Le pere de mes enfants).The movie was coming to an end me and my friends were almost into tears, but still trying figure out whats the whole movie was about, that's when this catchy song came as a finishing note. Then the whole movie and my day made lot of sense.

somethings change and others come back...

2010-04-03T18:38:00.007+02:00

I saw few daffodils flowering in my garden and that made me to Google the Daffodils poem by William Wordsworth. I still remember reading this poem with my father as my homework during my school days and it was very difficult to understand the whole poem. It is very different from the Tamil literature and the society, which mostly talks about the powerful kings of the past or about leading a moral life. I don't remember a Tamil poem which describe the nature and how that can affect someone's life (Tamil readers please correct me if I am wrong). Also, my father had a tough time explaining the word "bliss of solitude". I used to wonder how can people be in bliss when they are alone (a condition which i never experienced in India). This word started making more sense now a days. few things that didn't make sense as child in India, started revealing its meaning now. But somethings that suffocated me as a child growing up in India like too much of unwanted attention in the name of love and kindness are still following me... Specially when I get into the conditions when I don't know how to show my love and attention to someone, that is when the things i saw learned and hated as kid started coming back to me as second nature... Last few days I lived a life that I hated the most as a kid. Now that I learned the meaning of "bliss of solitude", I think it is time to experience the bliss of solitude and let others experience that too..

For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.

Next passion

2010-03-30T00:54:00.000+02:00

Using Tai-Chi to kill my excess energy..and beading to kill my spare time..! I can feel forces of nature my two new hobbies...In my 10th tai-chi class, I understood the meaning behind the slow boring movements, that epiphany encouraged me to register for 10 more weeks of tai-chi. My expensive passion for beading was fueled by inheriting 15 years collection of beads from my friends mom... be ready to read more about my beading and tai-chi journey

Let it Go - Tai-Chi!

2010-03-29T00:13:00.004+02:00

I attended Tai-Chi practice day last weekend and had an epiphany. Past few months I was bit confused about two big external forces that was acting on me, a pair of beautiful eyes expressing very warm and pleasant attention and the other pair of eyes with very cold 'jealousy'. I was not able handle both. I spoiled few days and some sleep in speculations about the manifestation of these forces and the ways I should handle it. I was waiting in the same way as you might have seen in a hollywood or a bollywood movie, a hero flexing his muscles when the villain is approaching to attack. But tai-chi taught me a new way...to let it go! I was able to do something similar to the grandmaster in the above video, just by placing my hands over my tai-chi partner's shoulder , I was able to push him but without actually pushing him and was able to withstand the push without actually resisting to it...all just by letting the forces go through my body...all I did was removed my focus from the target, relaxing and let myself go! The cold eyes did not react in the way I was expecting and the beautiful eyes may not react the way I am expecting neither... so, last one week I was able to remove my focus from the beautiful eyes, relaxed my mind and body can let go the energy radiating from the beautiful eyes...Thank you Tai-Chi,I was able to put into practice the mantra of Tai-Chi "let it go"!

Date with destiny!

2010-02-03T23:18:00.003+01:00

Today just after 45min train trip, I was magically transported to India. When I lived in India the only thing that happened as per my plan was taking my flight to Paris and so was my day today, nothing went as per my plan. I wanted to go to London, submit papers in Indian consulate, get back to work by lunch, have lunch with friends, play badminton, go to gym and then a potential movie...but things got stuck just at the "submitting papers" stage and ruined all the other plans...why planning doesn't work in India or in any place related to India? why do we Indians allow other people to live our life in the name of destiny? when I was discussing about this issue with one of my Indian friend living in Europe, he came up with this theory....many Indian attitudes are influenced by our belief in reincarnation... Yuva, I need your help to put this theory right!

Living the moment!

2010-01-28T17:14:00.009+01:00

Today.. a... normal..happy day, I didn't feel the presence of the cultural differences which stood like a mountain few days back, I enjoyed the moment like a cake, without waiting to add that last cherry on the top, I surprised myself by going for a walk next to the river during the lunch break..I usually go to stare at the fishes swimming in the opposite current only on a stormy day! According to Joseph Campbell, thinking about happy things on a sad day can make you feel better! Today.. a happy day, I did things which I usually do when I am down and it is nice to come back to neutral from an excited state!

Who else is fine!

2010-01-23T01:45:00.000+01:00

When east meets west...I have heard lots of stories about it from my Indian friends living in west. It is very interesting and some times very painful to see and face this struggle. So far I have met lot of Indians trying to live inside a bubble , totally ignoring the fact that there is a culture and society exist outside their bubble. But recently I met people trying make peace with the cultural conflict, just by repeating " I am fine.." ... Reminded me so much of Ross.. Where do I stand?? I feel so much westernized in the presence of an Indian and too 'indian' in the presence of my new European friends, dragged between two different worlds... All I can tell myself is... I am fine! And hope I can supress the expression of annoying "I like to control the life of people I like" Indian gene very soon !

Liquid fasting!

2010-01-19T16:57:00.002+01:00

Planning to live on liquids for a week... Lunch and dinner for the day... Smoothie made of....

Ladybug

2010-01-07T23:37:00.005+01:00

Why am I remembering the following dialogues from a very chessy movie...under the tuscan sun...sure there is a reason!

Listen,when I was a little girl,

I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs.

Finally, I'd just give up and fall asleep in the grass.

When I woke up, they were crawling all over me.

Dream Vs. Reality!

2010-01-05T22:38:00.003+01:00

I got back to work yesterday. My colleagues were expecting me to come back with a halo after 10days of intense meditation. unfortunately didn't have one. But I did observe one nice change in me. I was able to understand how much I live in tomorrow. Just sitting in the bus to work, thinking about what is going to happen after an hour or two, who all I want to meet and who all I didn't want to, staging a big drama in my mind, and obviously getting disappointed with my reality. In the very rare case when the drama staged in my mind comes to reality, there is no freshness, the charm of the reality is lost because of its preview in my mind. Well! this conflict between the my minds anticipation and the reality was the reason for few drops of tears I shed in the recent past. Last two days as this meditation helped me to live in the present, 2010's reality seems to be more beautiful and fresh than I can ever dream about.

J.Krishnamurti puts this in his beautiful words, a very nice summary of my meditation.

There is no knowledge of tomorrow
Observation implies no accumulation of knowledge, even though knowledge is obviously necessary at a certain level: knowledge as a doctor, knowledge as a scientist, knowledge of history, of all the things that have been. After all, that is knowledge: information about the things that have been. There is no knowledge of tomorrow, only conjecture as to what might happen tomorrow, based on your knowledge of what has been. A mind that observes with knowledge is incapable of following swiftly the stream of thought. It is only by observing without the screen of knowledge that you begin to see the whole structure of your own thinking. And as you observe - which is not to condemn or accept, but simply to watch - you will find that thought comes to an end. Casually to observe an occasional thought leads nowhere, but if you observe the process of thinking and do not become an observer apart from the observed - if you see the whole movement of thought without accepting or condemning it - then that very observation puts an end immediately to thought, and therefore the mind is compassionate, it is in a state of constant mutation.

-JK

Vipassana!

2010-01-01T19:33:00.002+01:00

My friends and all the people I know will be surprised to know that I have spent 50 days of my adult life in total silence in 5 different countries. Those were the best days of my life, I was able to see many other sides of myself, I feel I enjoy the aloneliness and silence as much as I love talking and meeting people. I am still thinking hard to find out one emotion that I did not experience in 2009, finishing thesis, getting a new job in a beautiful place, leaving nice people, meeting new wonderful hearts etc. etc. oooh! What a year! I can say 2009 will remain as a one big landmark in my life. So, just added that final cherry on the top by spending that last few days of 2009 in total silence. Now...2010..here I come…Thanks to Vipassana! And Thanks Jo for the lovely meditating Santa!

White at work

2009-12-19T01:45:00.002+01:00

Dream catcher!

2009-12-17T23:55:00.008+01:00

My dream catcher is catching beautiful dreams in this snowy winter!

He gives his harness bells a shake
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound's the sweep
Of easy wind and downy flake.

The woods are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have promises to keep...

-Robert Frost

Wanderer!

2009-12-10T08:47:00.001+01:00

Few months back I left Paris with two big suitcases in the same way as I reached the city 4 years back. As I was packing I realized that my wardrobe have completely changed, I was not carrying much things that were with me when I left India. Being a wandered this scares me a lot. Recently was talking to someone who left his home country few months back, his move may not be as dramatic as me, he can still go back to his country and see the house and things he grew up with but he still left something he was very passionate about. Recently I lost few things that I dreamt of having for a longer time in my life and realized that it doesn't matter how big or small the thing is, just the concept of losing is very painful. Beginning a wanderer, I cannot drag the whole world with me..can I? but as a wanderer I enjoy meeting new people and I was surprised to see how sensitive and insensitive people can be in reacting to such losses. some people's consolation can added more pain and some were really sweet. And I still enjoy being a wanderer as I can get to do many 'first things' in my life, like having my christmas tree at home. Thanks Jo!

Soria

2009-12-04T08:38:00.007+01:00

Yesterday during one of the random reading in the my meditation center library, I discovered this Spanish poet Antonio Machado. He got my attention by the following lines.

People possess four things
that are no good at sea:
anchor, rudder, oars
and the fear of going down.

Hmm! I should stop using rudder and oars in my sea, obviously it is not working. Later I googled him and found some very cheesy poems (I don't know if it is a good poem and lost its charm in translation) about a place I visited in Spain called Soria. I have very nice memories from this place, specially I enjoyed that snow in the summer, in mountains near Soria. Back to my oars, I am in a sea and cant use my oars, How should I move on in my life? I got the same question in my mind, when I was new to Paris, I didn't know how to use maps. In India I was guided by random people in every street corners of my life. Then when I started being comfortable to navigate around people in Paris, I thought I have mastered the art of navigation in the 'western world'. Now in Cambridge, with a GPS mobile and a Sat Nav, I am still lost. Struggling to read the non-existing sign language of people, sometimes misuderstaning a cultural difference as a joke. Standing in vain to be led by someone around this beautiful country side, I felt Antonio Machado gave me an answer to the wanderer in me, to move on in my life!

Wanderer, your footsteps are
the road, and nothing more;
wanderer, there is no road,
the road is made by walking.
By walking one makes the road,
and upon glancing behind
one sees the path
that never will be trod again.

Paa the Movie!

2009-12-03T08:37:00.002+01:00

I told you... bollywood is very famous here, yesterday bollywood movie Paa made headlines in Cambridge news. Part of this movie was shot in Cambridge, specially focusing on this grass hopper clock which is in the heart of Cambridge. I am very curious to see this movie but I hope it is not a remake of Brad Pitt's Benjamin Button, that movie made me sick . Also, I was shocked to read the quote of Dr.Taylor, who is making a replica of this clock, "The fearsome beast which drives the clock indicates that time is often our enemy, not our friend". But, time is always been my good friend, It is a very big healer, it shows me the meaning of all the tears I shed , it takes all the pains and shapes into practical wisdom. After losing all the badminton mixed double match, again time gives me hope that I will get better with time. I have only one complaint with that beast that drives the clock, it makes time too slow. I wish I can gather all the 27 years of experiance and turn 60 next week. Cambridge News.

Happiness and Love

2009-12-02T08:47:00.005+01:00

I have this horrible habit of reading book just randomly, just opening a random page and start reading from there, mostly philosophy books. When I was reading one such book over the weekend I got to read this thought provoking and very comforting lines "Like love, Happiness is a journey not a destination". I grew up hearing, you have to do this and that to make the family happy and at the end of the day I made no one happy. But with friends this happiness is just there, we don't have to do this and that to be happy in a friendship. I guess the same is true for love, when we feel the love, we want to make it grow and we have a defined formula that we have to do this and that to make it grow, may be the bollywood type of expression is one such attempt to make this feeling grow? More over, we even define the success and failure of this feeling. How funny is that. Yesterday was nothing extraordinary happened, but felt that the day was filled with love and happiness. A love of a friend to his friend and his little attempt to stop him smoking. Love and Happiness are such little things and not in a big fairy tale. I also got to do a random read of my favourite philosopher, very close to what I was trying to write in this blog and this cartoon, if I say Live love and laugh as a key to happiness, many of my friends will accept with that chicken and add the fourth one :-)

What a thing is relationship, and how easily we fall into that habit of a particular relationship, things are taken for granted, the situation accepted and no variation tolerated; no movement towards uncertainty, even for a second, entertained. Everything is so well regulated, so made secure, so tied down, that there is no chance for any freshness, for a clear reviving breath of the spring. This and more is called relationship. If we closely observe, relationship is much more subtle, more swift than lightning, more vast than the earth, for relationship is life. Life is conflict. We want to make relationship crude, hard, and manageable. So it loses its fragrance, its beauty. All this arises because one does not love, and that of course is the greatest thing of all, for in it there has to be the complete abandonment of oneself.

--J Krishnamurti.

Bollywood ...

2009-12-01T04:23:00.006+01:00

Just a sample of the bollywood I was talking about, such a big exaggeration of simple attraction :-) I am not sure if we want to make the simple things to look extraordinary or the feeling is extraordinary and we mess it up in search of right words! It happens only in bollywood and for some reason people like to see it this way! Surprised to see the growing popularity of bollywood outside India! You may say that the lyrics can be excused, as poetry is always a bit of an exaggeration... to add more spices, the second bit of the song in more westernize dress is happening in the rebirth! Same people get attracted at first sight in their rebirth.. In reality..How long an attraction can last?

living in 5th dimension

2009-11-29T17:12:00.003+01:00

Ok! I was born in the country were bollywood movies are made. Sometimes I feel my life is as cheesy as a bollywood movie, a big melodrama . So last few days I tried to put this cheesy side away from me, watching my emotions in silence. This silence can be awkward sometimes, specially for my bollywood genes. Sometimes when two people meet and they exactly know what each other is thinking about, still spend that few minutes in awkward silence or have some random talk about how slow a slow ATM machine is or just keep searching for words between badmintion matches. So finally I invented this new game of imagining the 5th dimension to escape such awkward conditions. The game is just in a blink your eyes, imagine yourself having a deep breath and blow that out in your palm towards the awkward condition (same as a virtual flying kiss), you will see the awkward condition and your breath disappearing into ether in seconds. It is so much of fun. You feel like a magician disappearing the things, experiencing impermanence nature of the world in a flying kiss within few seconds, collasping the reality just by observing! Anyways! I am lucky to have friends who listen and appreciate the bollywood in me but for the rest..I have my magic virtual flying kisses.

sign languages..

2009-11-22T13:50:00.006+01:00

Oh ! God ! I am so bad in reading sign languages, after spending 40 days of my life in silent meditation retreats I felt there are many feeling that can be conveyed without use of languages. But thanks to this puzzle (trying to read a of non-existing sign languages in pain), it got me closer to many lovely people and I was able to feel their love as they tried to put a smile back in my face!

The end of John..Keats!

2009-11-17T03:59:00.013+01:00

After seeing the anti-climax in the two weekend movies, I am drained off all the strong emotions and just feeling the scary silence of my mind, no pain nor happiness, often I have to check if I am still alive. Luckily it is cold in UK and the chill air reminds me that my mind and body are still alive. In the end of the second movie as the man in the brown coat was walking away hand in hand with his girl with the red bag, in one of the beautiful streets of Cambridge as the christmas lights were about to go on, I wished the climax was different but still I was able to say, "they look great together", may be the climax I wished for....would not had such a perfect match?? Thus trying hard to deal with the tragic end of John...Keats stories which left me in this scary silence. As always my friends are giving me a helping hand. I had this very nice discussion about tai chi with a wonderful new angel I met in cambridge. She told me that the negative forces acting upon us can be turned into our favour just with right and very small movements of our body, I am sure that holds true for my mind too. Just with some slight postive tuning I can convert this scary silence into a very nice environement for my meditation practice.

The Girl with a red bag.

2009-11-15T23:09:00.004+01:00

Today I spent my day in a(living a) very cheesy movie...Bollywood???.No may be.. more like a cheesy Hollywood movie, as it involves Christmas etc. Cambridge has this beautiful city centre, with a pedestrian area...no cars...old buildings and churches, gives the feel of a romantic era... Today was Cambridge Christmas light switch on ceremony. Cambridge was in a festive mood with lots of people, music, colours and lights. I was walking around this beautiful place with very pleasant friends, had good food served by a very cheerful Italian lady. I would have been in very high-spirits in such a festive season with nice people around but I think it was the memories from yesterday’s sad movie about Keats love story kept me in a low tone. It is a very strange to be very calm even when you are surrounded by stimulants for all the five senses. Just the minutes before the lights were about to go on, the man in a brown coat walks by. How on earth I was able to spot him in that Christmas crowd..That man in the brown coat..holding hands of a girl with a bling bling red bag! But I don’t want to finish this blog with “The End” as in movies....I like to finish it in a real cheesy way...Thus with the Christmas lights...lighting new hopes for a new beginning!

Long drive in the night!

2009-11-12T09:34:00.003+01:00

Yesterday went on a long drive in the beautiful English countryside , crossing the prime meridian to meet friends in their new house. My friends who hosted me from the very first day in Cambridge and healed my post-phd depression in their woodend clinic with their lovely pets, cider and their love. They now moved to a beautiful village in the countryside ,Yesterday as I was driving through the fields, i came across fox (unfortunately without George Clooney's voice) . But the return journey almost close to midnight was bit scary,Without a single car on the dark and rainy road, trying to avoid the wild animals on the way, twice got scared by seeing my own car seats in the rear mirror :-( felt like I was playing a part in a scary movie! With that fresh adrenalin on the road to the new woodend clinic, now charged to face the whole new adventure at my work!

Illusionist!

2009-11-11T16:11:00.007+01:00

Almost £200 pound vanished from my account this month...parking ticket...booking and cancelling tickets to a dream land....etc.. etc.. Just changed new battery in my car...More than money..wasted endery... and still wasting my energy in chasing an illusion...Today got into a big debate, Should I be selfish and drag the other people into my illusion..well! they have been part of my illusion... without being aware of it...will it be fair to let them know about my illusion? what's the point? Just seeing someone's name +1 in a doodle poll...can drain all my fully charged batteries???..What a big illusionist I am! Practising all the major religions once upon a time in my life ...helped me today to remember these favourite lines from Bhagavad Gita!

What of yours did you lose?
Why or for what are you crying?
What did you bring with you, for you to lose it?
What did you create, for it to be wasted or destroyed?
Whatever you took, it was taken from here.
Whatever you gave, it was given from here.
Whatever is yours today, will belong to someone else tomorrow.
On another day, it will belong to yet another.
This change is the law of the universe.

-Bhagavad Gita!

Living the moment!

2009-11-07T10:13:00.000+01:00

Currently cat sitting a lovely cat! I love the way the cats are calm and composed most of the time :-)

Meditation!

2009-11-06T13:44:00.002+01:00

Happy to kick start my meditation practice again. I wish it is as easy as this :-) pic from joy of tech!

More colours!

2009-11-04T22:26:00.001+01:00

Celebrated Bonfire Night with fireworks at my work!

Colours in my campus!

2009-11-04T12:01:00.001+01:00

Feels like I just woke from a long sleep, these trees were green just few weeks back. How did I fail to notice the changing colours in my campus, when did I last see the fishes in the Cam running through my campus. Well! Sports car watching is not as calm and relaxing as the fish watching. Colours of my campus, please take me back!

Soft Corner!

2009-11-03T23:00:00.000+01:00

Sometimes it is very disturbing to think that I have just lived less than half of normal human life expectancy. Sometimes I feel I have seen all the good, bad and ugly of the world but as I travel to new places I meet many new angels and they put me through new experiences in life, help me to see the world outside my own mind. It is just my 6th month in Cambridge but I have meet more angels than ever. I don’t know what makes me follow these angle’s words so blindly, sometimes following their words have led me to dead-end or I like to call those dead-ends as “soft-corners”.

I have used this word “soft-corner” a million times in my life, never had a second thought about this word, and never wanted to check the meaning in the dictionary. I just wanted to believe that a corner of my heart/ mind with beautiful feelings is meant for the special people I meet in life. Outside my mind, in reality, in dictionary this soft-corner doesn’t exist, there is only a soft-spot. Now with this reality standing before me...mind is struggling to find a place for the special people and the fictional relationship my mind developed in that soft-corner. What can I do? my dear angel..why did you put me in this non-exisiting 'soft-corner', till I find my answer, I can just tell myself these lines from my favourite movie Memento! or ..maybe..this is my answer..

"I have to believe in a world outside my own mind.
I have to believe that when my eyes are closed, the world is still there.
Do I believe the world is still there? Is it still out there? Yeah!
We all need mirrors to remind ourselves who we are. I’m no different.
Now, where was I?"

-Memento

Adventure cont.

2009-10-02T10:26:00.002+02:00

My driving adventures still continues, with this small crash in my friends apartment empty parking space where there was place to park at least 20 cars, I still manage to reverse into the garden walls. And when it comes to parallel parking...manage to do it sometimes ..sometimes with the postman help. Yesterday was the worst, when the parellel parking turned into a perpendicular parking. I don't know how on earth manged to get my front two wheels on the foot path and ended up in the perpendicular position...Anyways ..nothing else to complain ... life is exciting with lots of smooth and scenic roads ..

My first long drive!

2009-09-07T00:50:00.005+02:00

Just after 6 driving classes, I dont know what gave me confidence to go for this 310 kms long drive. High ways, narrow beach roads, 2 fatal mistakes ! but I survived! In spite of these stressful incidents, enjoyed the norfolk coast with friends!

Enjoying the summer

2009-08-20T17:26:00.001+02:00

GeoTagged, [N52.07928, W0.15746]

In new house, yet to have Internet. Will update all the wonderful things in new house and life in Cambridge soon . Until then a quick update from iPhone, we have this wonderful apple orchard at work...so...when we need a snack,we just pluck one from tree. Eating garden fresh fruits is...heaven!

Healing in woodend!

2009-07-23T23:13:00.003+02:00

After having some tough time and been cheated by money minded Joanne Tipping, my old landlady in Bishop's road, moved back to woodend cottages...now in the middle of woods with nice friends and these lovely rats, will be totally healed before moving into my new victorian terrace house in August. The bitter lesson learnt from this landady is, always sign a legal contract before making any money dealing...Some one not fair to law cannot be fair with you... But after paying price for the greed of one landlady, I also got to discover how many nice friends are there with me here Cambridge..

Instincts

2009-07-11T22:29:00.002+02:00

Today was a very nice day, got to see some raw human instincts, got to see the innocence and the power of mankind. First the innocence, I have come across many different love stories in my life. The sweetest are the one when people fall in love, following their instincts without giving many thoughts to it. As we grow up we start looking for logics and reasons behind love which makes it less interesting, no wonder people always cherish their first love. After a very long time today I got to hear one such crazy and sweet love story...Now the power, the Concorde. Since the Wright brothers made the first fly in 1905, the animal (bird) instinct in us urged us to fly and to cross the Atlantic in less than 2 hours, today I got to see that powerful machine.

Punting

2009-07-10T11:07:00.000+02:00

Had a department outing..two institues(sanger & EBI)..one project(Ensembl)..one outing (punting in cam)..13 punts... Thanks for the photos Michael!

Berry picking

2009-07-09T00:26:00.000+02:00

I have enjoyed black current in ice creams and in french kir, thanks to julian got to see and pick them today.

Colors in the sky

2009-07-06T22:24:00.003+02:00

As I was crossing the road confused to see too many colours! There was suppose to be only Red and Green! This is UK, sunny morning and a rainy evening..confused sky turned on its colours. I wish my confusions in my mind(about my home) can add some colour to my life.

Wordsworth

2009-07-04T18:18:00.010+02:00

Badminton..then little cricket practice..walk through the cambridge's historic colleges, the colleges of India's first and the current Prime Ministers...thanks to my friend Lucy, I got to hear many inside story and a look into wordsworth's hostel room...iphone with a new display (yes It stopped working last week)...feeling much better (Yes.I had a bad friday)..I will have a home soon..(Yes! I like to have a new home)

Still flying!

2009-07-02T23:15:00.002+02:00

Some adventures for the day, during the lunch break watched colleagues flying this remote controlled baby plane. It was completely designed and hand made by them and can fly up to 4 kms it seems. So, my next hobby is to make one, we were planning to open a small flying club to learn to fly this plane first using stimulation software (we can’t afford to crash this plane made with foam) . Running behind these plane in the football ground got a thorn in my feet, how many times I have done that in my childhood days, I wish my mom is here to take that out.

First adventure!

2009-07-01T23:41:00.003+02:00

Last 3 months, I am bored of writing about how great things are going here in Cambridge! So, here comes some changes.. Just today for the first time, I felt some mild forces were against me! Where should I start..Well! Today was my badminton day..I played from evening 4:50 to 8:15, after causing some mild injury to the opponent with my shuttle..took the 8:30 bus back home, but a grumpy driver refused to stop in my stop...so got down almost 4 miles after my home and was trying to get the city bus. Well! This is Cambridge...there is only one bus every hour, I was “lucky” enough to have one in 10 min, I saw my bus approaching and put my hands in my purse to get money and realized that I had only 10 penny in my purse...so have to miss that bus, went in search of ATM..Taxi...Normally it takes 15 min to reach home from work..On a very bad day it can take 2 hours, I reached home at 10: 40. Well! In spite of all the adventure, I was able to update my status live in facebook an got support from friends who were miles away... one of my roommate offered to pick me up if I get into such adventure next time! iPhone is fun!

Too hot!

2009-06-30T17:32:00.002+02:00

GeoTagged, [N52.07926, W0.15749] Wow it is 30 degree here today. Too hot to even sit in the lawn during the coffee break. Need some rain now. I was waiting for summer to bike to work. Now sun is making it impossible. 60 min biking in 30 degree, I may melt. Beautiful cafeteria lawn.

Posted from iPhone .

First rain!

2009-06-27T05:14:00.003+02:00

GeoTagged, [N52.16843, W0.11547] First time in the last 3 months in UK, I used my umberlla. So far me and rain had a good timing, only either on of us out at a time. Yesterday in a nice warm evening there was a heavy down pour which reminded me lot of Indian monsoon. Specially walking in a muddy road, trying to avoid water filled pit, parts of your leg and hands wet still not cold... Exacly like a pleasent down pour in India so when I decided to move to UK, few friends in France were not too happy about it, one of the reason they gave was "bad weather" they were worrried that I may find it difficult to survive the UK rain. So, I was talking to my dad about my friends concern about " bad weather". As an engineer who worked in river management, trying to make channels for the farmers, he didnt agree with my friends in calling UK weather a "bad one". According to him rain can be one of the best thing that can happen to keep the farmers happy in India. As my dad's daughter I can't agree more with him. He knew some orthodox farmers who perform special prayers and rituals to have rain, so according to him UK is a bless country...again I have to agree with him...Rain..that feed the crops that are waiting to feed us, making my cambridge green. After all the soothing green is one of new colour added to my life recently, which took me out of my Phd depression. Well! I didnt enjoy rain in Paris as much I do and did in UK and India, may be in Paris ...rain in a concrete jungle..all rain and no green.

Fishes..

2009-06-25T14:34:00.003+02:00

GeoTagged, [N52.07777, W0.18128]

It's lunch hour walk around the campus. Today stopped over the bridge across Cam that runs in the campus, was amazed to see the school of fishes under the bridge swimming against the current . Why do they do that? May be that is what keeps them grounded to a location with minimum effort. They are sort of in harmony with their surrounding in spite of not swimming with the current? Last few weeks I feel this sort of a strange harmony in life.

Posted from iPhone .

Beautiful sunny day!

2009-06-24T16:18:00.003+02:00

GeoTagged, [N52.07365, W0.18900]

Working from the beautiful garden, wondering how kind the nature and the whole universe is. Just trying to recall when was someone mean to me last time... Not even once after moved to UK..(except one phone call). Today for the first time feel like accepted by everyone around me. Thanks to the nice people who touched my life. Life is beautiful as much as the pond side garden, from where I am writing this!

,

From iPhone .

First Cricket

2009-06-22T09:06:00.002+02:00

Played my first cricket match, it is the first time playing with the full cricket costume in a real ground, in the home ground of Jack Hobbs(parkers piece). I played a friendly match for NCI (one of cambridge cricket club) vs.Ramsey(a village close to cambridge). It was great, the feeling we get as I watched 1000s of match is totally different from the one when you are actually in the field, the intense , need to concentrate for every single ball when you are in the field, running between the wickets, it is not as relaxing as it looks like. Great team sport with tea breaks...its just my type of game. I scored 5 for not out but I gave off all the runs in one over I bowled (well that was equivalent to two with all the extra balls that I gave). The more terrible thing I did was to run my partner out, yes! one of the very good player in my team got run out because of my wrong call! Need to do some serious practice. In spite of all the stupid mistakes I did, we won by 25 runs!

What do I do? and Where?

2009-06-19T22:07:00.006+02:00

This is all about my new town, new job and new work place! He is my neighbouring team's boss! Its all about my beautiful campus , work and people....and the Mac part...hmmm! Please ignore! 0

Elderflower picking

2009-06-14T18:29:00.001+02:00

Posted from iPhone.

Jam day!

2009-06-14T18:25:00.003+02:00

With friends picked flowers in the cam river bank, made 15 kgs of jam and 10 liters of elderflower cordial and 20 liters of elderflower champagne. Now we are going to team up to watch India vs. England cricket.

Relaxing saturday!

2009-06-14T10:50:00.004+02:00

Sunny day..Barbecue..Birthday cakes..lots of bubbles...cricket..good time with friends!

Sun dry!

2009-06-13T15:20:00.003+02:00

Feels so good to sun dry my cloths after 4 year! Feels as good as a green plant that can use the sun and feed the whole world! Thank you sun! What will we do without you!

Posted from iPhone!

On cloud nine!

2009-06-09T22:13:00.003+02:00

I was on cloud nine yesterday, Just discovered yesterday...I enjoy air to water..! Still scared of diving but not flying!

Happy birthday!

2009-06-05T11:38:00.003+02:00

GeoTagged, [N52.07914, W0.15759]

First entry from my iPhone. Just started celebrating Michael's birthday at work! No! No! we didn't celebrate the birthday in the motor way, the geo tag is bit crazy, actually showing few miles away from the actual location!

Why Me?

2009-06-02T20:23:00.004+02:00

Why Me? I am asking myself this question for last few weeks, since I took this new job! Things around me seem to be like a fairy land which looks too good to be true! Why am I pampered so much? It was lovely day, went for a walk during the lunch break with my colleagues, some random photos of my work place. A work placed bathed in green..with bunnies playing around ...I am loving my new work and the campus!

Nice changes..

2009-05-29T07:47:00.002+02:00

Among the nice changes happening in my life, one of my favourite is my new kitchen and dining! Now, I enjoy cooking more than ever! Before.... After....

As day goes..

2009-05-28T20:44:00.005+02:00

As days go by…enjoying the sports..... badminton in this beautiful court at work ...

and evening biking in the beautiful Cambridge!...

Already in a very nice routine...Am I really less than 2 months old in this town?

Give teddy a bath

2009-05-25T16:22:00.002+02:00

Bank holiday, its cleaning and give teddy a bath day! I wish I can finish these cleaning soon and do some cambridge discovery in my new old bike!

Richmond sur Thames

2009-05-24T23:55:00.001+02:00

Long weekend..did some deer watching in Richmond sur Thames!

Beautiful to see such a peaceful co-existance inside the city London!

astro cont.

2009-05-23T08:51:00.002+02:00

Allergic to fishes.

2009-05-22T08:23:00.006+02:00

If one day, I decide to write an autobiography, you may find this statement, "There were lots of Pisceans came and went in my life". Few days back with a glass of strong English cider I was discussing understandings and misunderstandings of my life , with one of my good old friend in Cambridge. As we were discussing recent conflicts in life that I faced during my Paris exit, we discovered that all the conflict I had in Paris were with Pisceans, and this friend in Cambridge also happened to be one. After a pint of cider, you tend to look for logic of life in more irrational places like the astrology match site.

This is what we got, “This can be a tough match, if only because Sagittarius are so direct, and Pisces are so diplomatic in the way they approach communication. Your Sagittarius can come across uncaring, too blunt, and even deliberately hurtful. When confronted with these feelings, Sagittarius may respond by saying, "Well, you asked, didn't you?" Arguments go around and around on this topic between Pisces and Sagittarius and can eventually kill the relationship.

Pisces with Sagittarius is not an easy. Your most obvious difference is that Pisces are sentimental romantics who wear their hearts on their sleeves. Pisces will not respond well to your brutal honesty. Pisces wouldn't dream of being as direct with you -- or anyone else -- and they are careful to surround their negative comments with positive ones to soften them. You feel that this is too much work. Pisces might respond by saying you ought to be more caring. One rule: It's absolutely critical to take your Pisces' feelings seriously. Sagittarius can too often make the mistake of dismissing them.”

Well! Most of the things happened to be true, especially “Pisces wouldn't dream of being as direct with you”.... During my Paris exist days, I was having Japanese dinner with two Pisceans who happen to know that I am allergic to fishes and saw me ordering miso soup during our few visits to Japanese restaurants, If it was one my Sagittarian friend He/She might have said on my face, “Stupid! Girl, why are you ordering miso soup when you were allergic to fishes”, and I would have replied “Shut up! I know!”, but in this case it was Pisceans, so they created a mini 10 minute drama just to convey this statement to me, the first fish asked the second one, what is miso soup? Where it comes from? And how it is made? So indirectly trying to make me realize that it is made of fish. I felt like screaming at the top of my voice, “ I am allergic to fishes, but I love miso soups! Do you have any problems with that Fish? “

Just like this love for Miso soup and allergy(hate) for Fishes in my life, many people I adore and respect in my life are Pisceans too, like my ex-boss, a friend from college, my first friend in Paris and infact this Cambridge friend..

Moral of the story, just use astrology for timepass, not to make decisions in life!

Parker's Piece

2009-05-21T07:08:00.001+02:00

As we were walking to the beer festival yesterday, we crossed this beautiful huge park called Parker's Piece, just in the heart of Cambridge. Every time when I crossed this park, I was overwhelmed to see boys playing cricket. This is a very common to see in India, but for the first time seeing it outside India makes me feel very nostalgic. Michael, a new member of my team also one of the reason for breaking the silence at work, told me that this very same Parker's Piece is the birth place football it seems. If it is hard to believe ...Here is the link..Thanks for the link Michael. The trees in the background also signifies something but we are yet to discover that.. Talking about sports, I restarted my badminton in Cambridge, I was so excited to find a nice court and good team to play just in my company campus.

Beer ..now you're talking

2009-05-20T08:06:00.003+02:00

Days are running so fast, it is already a month in Cambridge. I feel I am completely soaked up by the greens of Cambridge. I always wished to see the beautiful historical buildings of Paris without cars, now I can do that in Cambridge, the historic city centre is a pedestrian area, as you walk in the centre of the city you feel you are transported in time, just as in few “quartier piétons” of Paris. One major difference from Paris is my work environment, after working with molecular biologist, for the first time working with a full team of bioinformaticans. Oh! God! They were so silent. First few days we hardly spoke 10 or 20 words per day. Later they started opening up with glasses of Beer. Yesterday had a small outing after work to the 36th Beer festival. So, Beer is the socializing tonic for the English as the wine for French.

Healed in the woods

2009-05-15T08:13:00.004+02:00

Most of the people in science advised me to take a long break after the Phd, to de-stress, relax and to prepare for the next level of stress .But with growing socio-economic pressure in Paris, I took the job within one week after submitting the thesis. I wish the whole world should be “France” in their social security system. In spite of being a foreigner there, I enjoyed lot of social benefits, including their unemployment benefits. Thank you France!! But few French people may not like that, paying their tax money to a foreigner, specially a strange friend I had, Within few minutes, they made me feel so alienated with the country which I was feeling second home. With such silly socio-economic problems and with many other friends to heal me with their love, nature did this attack on me.

I moved to this beautiful house and with wonderful people. I was totally engulfed by the warmth of green woods, fresh oxygen, and caring people making me comfortable in a foreign land.

I walked this road to work,

over the dew drops in the grass, sometimes turned myself into a kid, removed my shoes, to splash the dew and rain drops collected over the grass. Thus began my Tsunami of bliss in the woodend..more..

Tsunami of bliss

2009-05-13T08:26:00.002+02:00

I am back… with a doctoral degree now. Yesterday me and my aloneliness had a conversation, why there is no antonym for “natural calamity”, that may be the right word for what I am going through right now, something like Tsunami of bliss. How few changes in life can erase off all the unnecessary worries and stress. With a new job in Cambridge, said final bye to Paris after my defence, as usual was pampered with lots of gifts and love from my Paris friends. More stories soon...till then let me find out the antonym for “natural calamity”.

I am here!

2009-03-23T14:53:00.005+01:00

But before I reach my next destination, I am here right now! Finally...

Next destination...

2009-03-21T21:58:00.001+01:00

Live from UK!

2009-03-12T19:56:00.004+01:00

Finally my long term dream to visit UK came true today, Crossed the English channel under the water (first time, I was not scared to be underwater) . It is overwhelming to be in my favourite Europe, but still I can understand what people around me are talking and to understand all the signs written around. As soon as I landed, I was expecting a long immigration check as happened during my trip to USA and Canada but I was able to pass 'like' an European, and London also treated me well with a delicious healthy meal at Pret A Manger! (Thanks Micha, for this healthy suggestion) . You may have to wait for few more days to see some touristy photographs of UK!

Alive!

2009-03-02T19:35:00.003+01:00

My blog! I am alive! Just finished a crazy, hectic month....finishing thesis and contract, finalizing jury, extending work permit as unemployed (all the extra paper works for that), and planning for the next move. Ooops! Cross roads are always very difficult. I will survive! The March is not going to be anything less, all the jobs started in Feb is yet to reach completion! Hopefully I can breath and write more soon. Until then .. Here is the tip for the month....

Vah-Chef

2009-01-28T20:18:00.003+01:00

When I think about something which I can never get bored of, the first thing comes to my mind is food! Food is magic, its delicious, goes into your body and makes you do everything you do in your life! Sometimes, I follow Joseph Campbell’s “Follow your bliss” therapy, that is when you are sad or depressed think about the day when you were happy, just calm, composed and happy! When I have to recall such a day, till date the only day comes to my mind, the day I volunteered to cook for 40 meditators for a week! Recently I discovered Mr.Sanjay Thumma also known as vahchef, with his online website, videos he shares lots of recopies online, believe me he is not just any other chef , when you see his videos you can see how passionate he is about cooking (I get tears in my eyes seeing him cooking), I guess he also loves food and cooking as much as I do..Hmm! may be more! Long live Food! Cooking! and Vah-chef!

This is one of my favourite “channa masala’!

More Recipes ... More Videos ... More Blog of Vah-Chef!

my cry...

2009-01-27T02:58:00.003+01:00

But...my cry was heard! I got my push!

Gollum thinks!

2009-01-25T18:47:00.003+01:00

As Uma is writing..and writing...trying to get her ‘precious’ thesis! Often she and her loneliness have some conversations like this!


Uma+ : We wants it, we needs it. Must have the precious. 
Uma-: No. No..you can’t have it! 
Uma+: Yes, precious, I will have it! Everybody tells us! We can have it. 
Uma-: You don't have any friends; nobody likes you! No one will help you for your precious!
Uma+: I'm not listening... I'm not listening... 
Uma-: You're very bad in writing! Fit for nothing!. 
Uma+: No! 
Uma-: *Stupid*. 
Uma+: Go away! 
Uma-: "Go away?" 
[Uma- laughs as Uma+ begins crying] 
Uma+: I hate you, I hate you. 
Uma-: Where would you be without me, Uma-, Uma-? I saved us! It was me! We survived because of me! 
Uma+: [stops crying] Not anymore. 
Uma-: What did you say? 
Uma+: I can manage! I am not stupid! I looks after us now. We don't need you anymore. 
Uma-: What? 
Uma+: Leave now, and never come back! 
Uma-: No! 
Uma+: Leave now, and never come back! 
[Uma- screams in frustration] 
Uma+: LEAVE! NOW! AND NEVER COME BACK! 
[Uma- is silent] 
Uma+: [looks around] We told her to go away... and away she goes, Precious! Gone, gone, gone! Uma+ is free!

If u were familiar with this sort of conversation, it may be because of this (check out the video!) now Uma knows why we love so much the character Gollum! We connect so well! The best friend and worst enemy of anyone is oneself ....Uma thinks so!

It’s written!

2009-01-17T06:29:00.004+01:00

“It’s written in your head” ! That’s the translation of a Tamil phrase which is very commonly used in the place where I was born! Especially when you are going through a hard time and hoping that it’s a blessing in disguise, people always say this to keep us afloat! How easy or difficult is it to convey this Indian philosophy to people, to this new generation who believe more in free will than destiny! Danny boyle beautifully explained this strong belief of Indians (at least for one from the old school) through his movie Slumdog millionaire! Every hardship faced by the protagonist in the movie was just taking him one step closer to be a millionaire! What a beautiful screenplay! Me, as someone caught between East and West often wonder if my life is built by my free will or destiny, so far the pointer is still closer towards..... “May be it’s written”! Oops! May be my life is written, but I wish I can say the same about my thesis very soon!

Back to school!

2009-01-15T04:57:00.004+01:00

After Christmas holidays, I am back to school! Almost during the complete holiday, I was having a nocturnal life like an Owl. Nice to get back to the human cycle! This break also made me realize two major things. Number one, how much I missed people, it was nice to meet and greet people, to hear their exciting stories about the holiday. Two, I feel I am also ready to break my umbilical cord with Paris. I never thought I will be so attached to Paris. Paris no doubt one of it’s kind in the world, but I did miss certain things here, like walk in the woods, sunny weather and a place to sit and stare at the horizon ( there is no place inside Paris where you see the horizon) . I will miss Paris more for the amazing people who walked into my life in Paris, a very unique combination of friends, their presence is like food and oxygen for my life. But now it’s time for this kid to break that umbilical cord, this vacation time made me realize that I am sort of ready for that, after all you cannot spend your complete life in Paris’s womb right?

PS: I am very grateful for the positive responses I get for my blog. It is very encouraging. No doubt, this blog has become a part of my life and routine. Having said that, I also like to keep the blog discussions restricted only to my blog, through the blog comments. Thanks again!

A new uncondtioned year!

2009-01-01T00:27:00.004+01:00

This is how I am starting my new year! Me, with my blog! Wishing everyone a very wonderful new year! I will recover soon from my flu to tell you more stories here! Sorry if I have been rude with people, I know there is a list of people who have been hurt by my blog during last years!

We are all conditioned by the society, religion , culture and even by science which is programming us to think in a conditioned way and defining ‘rights’ and ‘wrong’ and living with conflicts with ourselves and with others! I am sure the conflicts I had last years was because of these conditioned thoughts, the conditioned thoughts of mine, my family and friends and the people around me added some conflicts which were even reflected in my blog! I like to start this New Year with my favourite philosopher’s(J Krishnamurti) thoughts! He kept me good company during my sick days!

I was listening to this thought provoking conversation between Krishnamurti & David Bohm about The Future of Humanity! It’s a long playlist! Need time and patience to watch this! If not now, I hope someday in this New Year you may have sometime to listen to these two great minds! Until then here is the summary!

“Amidst so much confusion and sorrow it is essential to find creative understanding of ourselves, for without it no relationship is possible. Only through right thinking can there be understanding. Neither leaders nor a new set of values nor a blueprint can bring about this creative understanding; only through our own right effort can there be right understanding.

How is it possible then to find this essential understanding? From where shall we start to discover what is real, what is true, in all this conflagration, confusion, and misery? Is it not important to find out for ourselves how to think rightly about war and peace, about economic and social conditions, about our relationship to our fellow men? Surely there is a difference between right thinking and right or conditioned thought. We may be able to produce in ourselves imitatively right thought, but such thought is not right thinking. Right or conditioned thought is uncreative. But when we know how to think rightly for ourselves, which is to be living, dynamic, then it is possible to bring about a new and happier culture.”
-JK

Growing Older!

2008-12-15T23:42:00.002+01:00

I love birthdays because I feel it’s a new chapter in life, and helps me to compare with earlier chapters and think about the changes, psychologically and emotionally. I am happy to see that I am not as silly as I was 10 years back! I think about the mistakes I made and the lessons I learnt, all the lessons that life taught me with its smiles and tears!

I often wonder why people are so happy to hear that they don’t look for their age and feel proud about being ‘young at heart’! If a 10 year old looks and behaves like a 3 year old, it can be scary and annoying right? Then why do we all like to get stuck in our ‘youth’? Is it not great to feel older, experienced and wiser with all the lessons we learn in life?

Yesterday, my friends threw surprise party and poured lots of love, gifts in the form fragrances and light, food and champagne, in a home away from home.